Affair

The First Affair

There was a middle-aged couple who had two stunningly beautiful blonde
teenaged daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they
always wanted.

After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine
months later delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to
the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see
the ugliest child he has ever seen.

He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be the
father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."

Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around
on me?"

The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time.

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The Second Affair

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the
dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated.

As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated,
he made an amazing discovery: Schwartz had the longest penis he had ever
seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," said the mortician, "But I can't send you off
to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be
saved for posterity."

And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's
schlong.

The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The
first person he showed was his wife. "I have something to show you that you
won't believe," he said, and opened his briefcase.

"Oh my god!" she screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"

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The Third Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening
the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner."

She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with
talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered.

"Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly.

"The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one
for us too." No more was said about the statue, not even later that night
when they went to sleep.

Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the
kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot
at the Smiths' for three days, and nobody offered me as much as a glass of
water."