Adults jokes

Frog Revenge
A little boy about 12 years old is walking down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.
He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it. "
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.
He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"
Of course the Madam said "No".
He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots aftermaking love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall, dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.
The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick theonly girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"
He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way,he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and HE'S the ******* who ran over my FROG!"
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The Sandal Shop


While vacationing in Pakistan, a married couple were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, ""You, foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop." So, the couple entered.

"I have some special sandals I think you'd be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel," the Pakistani man said to them.

After what the Pakistani man claimed, the wife was very interesting in buying the sandals. However, her husband felt he didn't need them at all, being the sex god he was, so he asked the shop owner, "How can sandals make you into a sex freak?" The Pakistani man replied by saying, "Just try them on."

After considerable badgering from his wife, the husband conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years - raw sexual power.

In a blink of an eye, the husband rushed the Pakistani man, threw him on a table and started tearing at his pants. All the while, the Pakistani man was screaming, "The wrong feet! YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!"

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A young couple is out carousing one evening. While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl, "If I go 100 miles an hour, will you take off your clothes?"

She agrees and he begins to speed up. When the speedometer hits 100 she starts to strip. When she gets all her clothes off he is so busy staring at her that he drives off the road and flips the car. The girl is thrown clear without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend are trapped in the car. "Go get help.", he pleads.

She replies, "I can't, I'm naked."

He points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says, "Cover your snatch with that and go get help."She takes the shoe, covers herself, and runs to the gas station down the road. When she arrives she is frantic and yells to the attendant, "HELP! HELP! My boyfriend's stuck!"

The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her crotch and replies, "I'm sorry Miss. He's too far in."
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Rodeo Position

Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions:

One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."

"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy, "what is it?"

"Well, its when you get your mate down on all fours, and you mount her from behind. You then reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and then you whisper in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just like your sister's', and then you try to hold on for 8 seconds."


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Biology Lesson in Class

During a Biology class, the teacher asked the class:
"Why is that during childhood, gals tend to grow taller than guys?"

A student replied: "That's because guys have "balls" and that
weighs them down."

Teacher: "Then why is that at maturity, guys tend to grow taller
than gals?"

Student: "That's because gals have breasts and they are heavier than
the guy's "balls"

Teacher FAINTED
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A couple decide to go golfing to the best golf course in their state.While playing,the husband tells his wife to be very carefull as there were many houses along the golf course.But the stupid wife swings her club and it breaks one of the glasses of the biggest house on the course.so the husband and wife decided to go and apologize to the owner of the house.When thay reached the house the they found a glass bottle lying on the floor broken into hundreds of peices.The found an old man sitting inhis rocking chair and greeted the couple inside.he said"i am a genie and i would like to thank u for letting me free from this bottle,and i would like to grant u 2 wishes and the 3rd wish is mine.so the husband says i want a private aircraft for myself.the wife said she would like a house in every single country.the genie says for the past 200 years he has never had sex and would like to have sex with the lady.the husband agrees and the genie takes the lady up and begins having sex.then he asks the lady"how old is your husband"she replys"47"and the genie says"what a kid he still believes in genies"

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A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her
arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month
overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a
test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the door-bell,
because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill: "Are you Mrs.
Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!"

"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.

"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the man from the electric
company.

"What are you saying? It's in your files?????"

"Absolutely."

"Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight."

That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a
bull, rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next
morning.

"What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month
overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.

"Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you
have to do is pay us."

"PAY you? and if I refuse?"

"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."

"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.

"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

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A guy is nearing the end of his senior year in high school.
Unfortunately, he still has to share a room with his younger brother
who
is only 9 years old.

One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun.
They
have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already
asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his girlfriend climb up to the
top
bunk.

As you might expect things start to heat up. The guy remembers
that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells his girlfriend to
whisper "lettuce" if she wants it harder and "tomato" if she wants a
new
position.

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

She screams.

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!



Whoa!!!

PULL IT OUT!!!

PULL IT OUT NOW!!!

I can't get pregnant!

Then the little brother shouts up, "Hey, would you guys stop
making sandwiches up there! You're getting mayonnaise all over
my face!*!*!*!*!

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A woman takes a lover during the day while her husband
> > > is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home
> > > unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom
> > > closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home.
> > > She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that
> > > the little boy is in there already.
> > > The little boy says, "Dark in here."
> > > The man says, "Yes, it is."
> > > Boy - "I have a baseball."
> > > Man - "That's nice."
> > > Boy - "Want to buy it?"
> > > Man - "No, thanks."
> > > Boy - "My dad's outside."
> > > Man - "OK, how much?"
> > > Boy - "$250"
> > >
> > > In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy
> > > and the lover are in the closet together.
> > > Boy - "Dark in here."
> > > Man - "Yes, it is."
> > > Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
> > > The lover, remembering the last time, asks the
> > > boy,"How much?"
> > > Boy - "$750"
> > > Man - "Fine."
> > >
> > > A few days later, the father says to the boy,
> > > "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch. The boy says, "I can't ., I sold my baseball and my glove."
> > > The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
> > > Boy -"$1,000"
> > > The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
> > > They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
> > > The boy says, "Dark in here."
> > > The priest says, "Don't start that shit again".