Added on September 25, 2007, 3:43 amA soldier came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there. Out of
breath he asked, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few
minutes. I'll explain WHY later."

The nun agreed.

A moment later two Military Police came running along and asked,
"Sister, have you seen a soldier running by here?"

The nun replied, "He went that way."

After the MP's disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt
and said, "I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see -- I don't want to
go to Iraq ."

The nun said, "I think I can fully understand your fear."

The soldier added, "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you
have a great pair of legs!"

The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a
great pair of balls.... I don't want to go to Iraq either."


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A 5 year old girl asked her Mum, "Mum, may I take the dog for a walk down the street and back?"

Mum replies, "No, dear, she's on heat."

The little girl replied,” no she's not sat on anything warm, so can I take her for a walk"

Mum replies " no it's not that kind of heat, its her season time"

What does that mean?" asked the child.

Mum replies, "Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk down the street and back? I asked Mum, but she said that Belle was on heat and to come to you to tell me what that meant."

As her dad was busy working on an old car he was restoring, which wasn't going too well, he was in no mood to explain the ins and outs of what on heat meant and the 50 WHY questions that would go with it. He sighed, thought for a moment and said, "Bring Belle over here."

He took a rag, soaked it with petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go once down the street and back again."

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with just the leash, and no dog.

Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"
The little girl said, "She ran out of petrol about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."

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Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall. They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.


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A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin".

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times.?"

"Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

"Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.

"Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

"Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

"Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.

"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

"Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

"Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

"Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

"Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was........ God I miss him.

" But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".

"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?

"Your're with the "GOVERNMENT"..

This time I KNOW I'M gonna get SCREWED."

With all the new technology regarding fertility, an 88-year-old woman was
able to give birth to a baby recently.

When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, various relatives
came to visit. "May we see the new baby?"one of them asked.

"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while
first."

Another half hour passed before another relative asked, "May we see the new
baby now?"

"No, not yet," said the mother.

A while later and again the guests asked, "May we see the baby now?"

"No, not yet," replied the mother.

Growing impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?"

"When it cries!" she told them.

"When it cries?" they gasped. "Why do we have to wait until it cries?"

"Because, I forgot where I put it."


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The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room
without getting any paint on their clothes.

The one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold
them up, and lock the door."

So they do this, and begin painting their room.

Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"

"Blind man!"

The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see.
What could it hurt." They let him in.

The man walks in, does a double take, and says, "Where do you want me to
hang the blinds ?"